fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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