So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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