And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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