# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
