i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
