fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
