I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
