Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
