I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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