I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
