don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
