he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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