hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
