He asked me if I "almost moaned"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
