nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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