I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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