Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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