Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
