ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
