I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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