I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
