yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
