wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I want is dick and wine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
