i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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