I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
