Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
