You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
