I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
