i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
