operation harelip BJ is a go
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
