no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
