So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
