i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
