Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize