You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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