I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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