She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
