I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
