I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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