Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize