This is not my ceiling
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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