My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
