Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
