I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
