I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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