So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just pee around me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
