Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How does one acquire holy water?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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