I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize