oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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