where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she told me i tasted like america
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
