Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
