Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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