My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
