its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can feel your judgement through the phone
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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