im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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