i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
