Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
