Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
