8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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