He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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