I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
