So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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