He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
