It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
