I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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