How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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