I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
