I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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