Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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