There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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