I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
