careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
