just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
