he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
