I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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