Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
