census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
