girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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