I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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