dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
