So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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