just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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