Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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