don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize