Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
