Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize