Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
