Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
