she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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