mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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