I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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