My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize