Buhtt sex?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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