If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize