A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
