it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
