Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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