is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
