I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
